I'm a bit concerned about this odd growth that has appeared between my shoulder blades; I can only assume that it's actually a second head, given the eyes and teeth. I guess I'll have to look on the bright side, at least I'll have someone to keep me company. Or I can go join the circus, or just scare random strangers. I think I'll opt for the latter. Onto bigger and better things... I recently took a second job driving the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile; the pay is nothing to brag about, but it sure is great to be in the driver's seat of a giant weiner for a few hours a week. When I finally get some time alone I usually pop in a "Sweatin' to the Oldies" VHS and really let my freak flag fly high and proud. After that I always strap on my golden parachute pants, blast MC Hammer's "Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em" album and practice my best dance moves. Yeah, I know it sounds hella fun; you can join the party too for only $29.95 a month. Just visit www.idrinkurineforfun.com