Oh what a life!
Current mood: worried
So yesterday I did somethin that no mom should ever have to do and that is put there child in a mental institution for treatment.I am so blaming myself for this happening even though I know it is not my fault I could not stop from happining what happened but anytime somethin happens to your child you tend to put blame on ones self and it hurts it hurts bad I wann cry scream and yell at god and say why!!!!! I quess there were signs but no one wanted to see or accept but I know he is were he will get help. I ask my self why him why He is a very intelligent child why did he fall victim to these thoughts why could I not stop this all these why questions but never a definite answer. All these emotions am I a bad mom for signing him in there am I an uncaring mom? should I have done it? He was crying out for help and would not tell me. He likes to keep things bottle up. yet again why? Well he finally snapped and he is getting the help. Will this numb feeling ever go? What will happen in the future? Life is really strange and I thought I had it figured Wrong, I didnt. All I can say at this point is I love him to death and it is tearing me up that he is there and I want him home he is my oldest child and I feel incomplete with him not home I want him better I want to see him smile all I want is for the kids to be happy!!!! so Remick Hunter and Colton I love you and am sorry I am tryin not to fail you and we will make it better just remember always and forever I love you!!!! for all those who read this if you have children even if you dont go HUg those you love and tell them you love them and it will be ok let them know you care before it is to latecause you never know it was almost to late for Remick so show your love more and more please before you are were I was last nite!!!!!
