I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.. Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.

Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.

I told Santa what I wanted for Christmas and he washed my mouth out with soap.

Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

OMG The cry babies on here with the nsfw flaging!! Its an adult site...get over it, shouldn't be looking at work anyways!!