I'm NOT the kind of person you should put on speakerphone!!!

The Cops Came To My House And Said That My Dog Bit Some Guy On A Bike ..... Silly Cops, My Dog Doesn't Even OWN A Bike!!!

Think NOTHING Is Impossible???... Try Slamming A Revolving Door!!!

THANK YOU Cherrybomb for helpin me make it to Godfather!!!!! YOU ROCK!!!

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Whoever Said "Words Can't Hurt You" Has Never Been Hit In The Face With A Dictionary!!!!!

Handy Tip For The Day: Do Not Drink And Drive, Do Not Text And Drive, And Above ALL Else, Do NOT Drink And Text!!!!! You're Welcome.

My useless fact for the day..."Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour."... SO far I'm 675 calories down!!!

I'm pretty sure you DON'T want to know what's on my mind. ;)

After Sex, 60% Of Men Roll Over And Fall Asleep, While 40% Get Up And Go Home!!!

Says: "My Anger Management Class Is Pissin' Me OFF!!!"

No!!! Of Course I'm Not Staring At Your Butt!!! I'm Simply Admiring Your Back Jeans Pockets ;)

Knows the Difference Between Right And Wrong........ Wrong Is The FUN One!!!

If They Didn't See Me Do It, I Didn't Do It : )

So Far Today, The Devil On My Left Shoulder Is Kickin The Ass Of The Angel On My Right!!!!!

Is thinking that if Fubar got anymore addictive id start snorting the letters off the computer screen!

A lady walks into a sex toy shop and and says " I'll take that green one with the shiny top" Man says " Lady that's my Thermos"

Monday..... UGH!!!

G'nite Fu......ZZZZZZZ

I Have ABSOLUTELY No Intention Of Behaving Myself.. So I'm Not Even Going To Pretend To Try ;)