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Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money i make. Then they call me ugly and poor! :P
Whenever i have a one night stand i always use protection. A fake name and a fake number! :P
Boobs are like kids toys, fun to play with but they eventually end up in the mouth! ;)
Whoever coined the phrase...What goes up must come down.... has obviously never encountered my ex wife's panties!!! :P
I was out on a date with this girl when i asked her.....Do you spit or swallow? she slapped my face and stormed off, i'm never going wine tasting again!!! :P
Instead of a sign that says...DO NOT DISTURB! I need one that says... ALREADY DISTURBED PROCEED WITH CAUTION!> :P
Women are Angels and when someone breaks their wings they simply continue to fly......on a broomstick. They are flexible like that! ;)
They say swearing is due to a limited vocabulary. Well, i know thousands of words but i still prefer ' Fuck off ' to ' Go away '. ;)
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them, the police call it indecent exposure, but whatever!!! :P
They say that every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the math, seems i died in 1543! :P
My therapist says i have a preoccupation with vengeance. Well, we'll f@@king see about that!!! :P
Instead of the John, i call my bathroom the Jim....that way it sounds better when i say i go to the Jim every morning! ;)
I met two guys wearing matching clothing so i asked them if they was gay?! They promptly arrested me!!! ;)
I sent my picture to the lonely hearts club and they sent it back saying they weren't that lonely! :P
When i was at school i got expelled on pajama day. Not my fault i sleep naked! ;)
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