~*The reason women will never be the ones to propose is... as soon as she gets on her knees, the man starts unzipping...*~

~*My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates*~

~*To those of you who call yourselves intelligent...we're going to put it to the test. Lets see who knows what this says...X35 P33N I hUJOH 05 W,I 35V37d 3W d73H...*~

~*Psychological invalidation is one of the most lethal forms of emotional abuse. It kills confidence, creativity and individuality.*~

~*What starts with F and ends with K and is full of excitement and squirts liquid out? A firetruck you dirty dirty person...*~

*~Somedays, I'd like to make your face a pretty black and blue color, then tell people that we missed our high-five...*~

*~I wasnt drunk last night! The floor was starting shit again so I decided to teach it a lesson with my face!*~

~*"I worship a flying meatball and all us lowly followers are merely limber noodles in the sauce that we call life"...Translation: Dont take life seriously and believe what you hear unless you can see it!*~

~*Hangovers are natures way of grounding you as an adult...*~

Feels like sexually harassing someone tonight...any volunteers?! ~_^

~*Why is it, when a woman has a close male friend people think she's sleeping w/him but when she has a close female friend no one suspects a damn thing?.. (chuckles)*~

~*Wonders if walking around Wal-mart slapping people with a dildo would be considered sexual assault...*~

The Definition of Rodeo Sex: Mount woman from behind, take hair, pull head back, whisper in ear "Your sister was better than you" and try to hold on for 8 seconds..

~Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without the batteries... it fills you up, but lacks the buzz...~

~ Destiny may decide who touches your Life ~ Your heart may decide who touches your Soul ~ But... ~Tequila decides who touches your body~

When you and your significant other is having an argument, just take all of your clothes off during the fight an stand there...Something is BOUND to happen!

Getting Drunk!