" I thought relationships were supposed to be give and take"....."They are, she gives you sex and you take whatever crazy bs she throws at ya"

Don't be so completely oblivious to the world that cou can't see what's standing right in front of you. For all you know, it may be a good thing for once.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I need a drink!!!

It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. Thank you to all the veterans!!

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify," I put "DOCTOR

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

You do not need a parachute to skydive......you only need a parachute to skydive twice

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs

People are going to want you, need you, take you, love you, hate you, play you, rate you, save you or break you. But all of that only makes you stronger!!!

Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences, but rather is a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite sublime plan.

There is no worse feeling than that millisecond you are sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far!!