When you cry I cry. When you laugh I laugh. when you fall down the stairs, I laugh again.

CONFUCIUS SAY: Man who puts dick in peanut butter jar is fucking nuts. WTG Lakers

I got a flat tire... pulled over to change it. Stupid guy says, "Did your tire go flat?" I said " No, I was driving along and the other 3 just swelled up!"

My mom says I'm insane.. I say its hereditary! ;)

How does paper beat Rock?? Yeah, I'll go throw a rock at you and see what happens when you defend yourself with a piece of paper.

God made your butt Crack up and down because if it were sideways when you went down a slide it would sound like this bufufufufufufufuublubufubufbufbufbuf

He said: Why do you wear a bra, you don't have enough to put in it? She fired back: you wear pants don't you?

When we get older what are we going to tell our grand kids.. "When I was your age I sat on my ass all day and played on the computer! The future looks bright doesn't it? :D

forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 100% chance of a great Saturday night and way too much drinking. Increasing chance of a hangover on Sunday x

What do a prostitute and a bungee jump have in common? they cost the same, last as long, and if the rubber breaks you're screwed.

I had a friend who took acid, now she thinks she's a fire truck, it's all good 'til she pisses on your lighter

boy killed a butterfly and dad said"No butter for you."boy killed a honeybee and dad said"No honey for you."Mom killed a cockroach.Boy say to dad"now what?"

is wondering if life is easier when you are totally insane? Because I am about half way there and I want to know if I need to speed up or slow down!!!

Good Morning and thank you too all who said hi and wished me a Happy Mothers Day!! Happy Mothers Day to all moms and dads who are moms...I'm off to do the Mom thing...Have a great day...Muahhh

woman helping her husband set up there PC when asked for a password the husband puts in penis the PC replies PASSWORD REJECTED NOT LONG ENOUGH

women can fake an orgasm for a relationship,men can fake a relationship for a orgasm.

I'm in one of those moods, u know the one that usually gets me in trouble ;)

you can't be afraid of what people think...a well behaved woman never made history!......

How to impress a woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, protect her, listen to her, support her. How to impress a man: Show up naked with a 6 pack

You're riding a horse full speed.. there's a giraffe beside you.. and you're being chased by a lion .. what do you do .. get your drunk ass off the carousel ..