Pshh how is any of my default pics nsfw? Wth

Great grandma laughs at the family BBQ. When asked why she states "If I hadn't gotten laid, none of you would be here!" Best i heard all day.

They say diamonds are a girls best friend....i think pearl necklace,you KNOW your not the Dad and I don't have to chase you on Maury for child support Lol. Jerry's the only thing on atm sorry folks!

Brilliant! Apparently. T9 is a freaky bitch. I say Pffft make some noise... It computes pffft to orgy hmmm.

I hope you celebrate your birthday the way you came into this world...Naked and screaming.

I'd tell you to kiss my ass, but I'm afraid you'd fall in love and I'd never get rid of you.

Woman who don't wear underwear never get their panties in a bunch.

You and tequila make me crazy.

I hate when people say you don't need alcohol to have fun. You don't need running shoes to run but it helps.

Practice safe texts, always use commas. Never miss a period.

Things we hated as children: spankings and naps. Things we love as adults:spankings and naps.

If you're too high class for a shower beer, then your an amateur and we can't be friends.

A blonde and her redhead friend were talking about her bf's dandruff problem. The redhead said" Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?" The blonde replies 'How do you give him shoulders?"

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go to my bed.

If her bra matches her panties, it wasn't you who decided to have sex.

Don't let your affection give you an infection, put some protection on that erection!

Life is simple like a penis, simple, relaxed and hanging free...It's the ladies that make it hard.

Your the one I want

October is national kink month.

Men are like pantyhose . Either they run, they cling, or they don't fit right in the crotch.