a woman who hides her pain behind a smile ..i miss the girl i use to be so open an so carefree was always so happy an full of glee..never no trust issues never no grief.. but as the yrs have gone by ive hate what its done to me.. i hate what ive become..this woman in herĀ 40s ..her heart shattered who has also became numb..what did i ever do to deserve what i feel? so tired of the bs ..tired of having nothing real..am i really that bad of a person to have all this pain? i tell myself no but then there it goes again pouring like rain.i feel so numb an i hate how that feels ..im to the point when some1 tells me they want me or love me and i cant tell if its even real..ive had so much pain threw my whole life ..im so over it an done ..whens it gonna be my turn to finally have the one?i tell myself maybe love isnt ment for me ..but then i turn to god an he makes me see..threw him an my friends they all show me the way ..to never give up an love will light up my way someday.just tired of hurting an wish it would fade ..to give me what i want an prayed for it will eventually show me to my face.