A DARKNESS THAT ONCE HARBORED IN MY HEART...

-All is wrong, never right-

Quiet
Untold
A truth never to be known
Watch the pain upon her face
As the story begins to unfold

Unwilling
Submissive
Too young to know whats happened
Doesn't know her wrongs from rights
But with her wrongs, she'll forever live

Looking
Touching
Places of her not to be his
She doesn't understand
that grown men, are so devilishly mean

Staring
Intent
On what's appearing in the glass
Something of horror, something of pain
The longer she stares, she's becoming hellbent

Ugly
Broken
Anger creeps as she stares
Broken glass shattered on the floor
No need for her here, as she brings the rope in

Young
Misunderstood
You see her hanging in the doorway
Her pain now gone
As the blood drips on the wood

Death
Life
She's given her will
Her will to live, with slashed wrists, and swaying body
All is wrong, never right!!!
--------------------------------------------

THE PAIN YOU'VE CAUSED



I think of where my life has gone
the cutting just goes on and on
the hate comes in
the blood pours out
will I quit? That i doubt

I want to bleed, and bleed some more
I want it to splatter upon the floor
I want to stab
I want to slice
A little blood, just will not suffice.

Cut my neck, and slash my throat
Cover myself in that bright red coat
The hate you've caused
Inside of me
Once has come, will never flee.

The thought of you, still in my heart
is very bitter, is very tart
Now you're gone
And now you're dead
That last bit of you, dripping red.

Red on my hands, red on my shirt,
Red on the floor, and red on my skirt
My last thought is
Did you ever really care?
Cuz what you've caused, my happiness now rare.
----------------------------------------------

FREE OF HATE

A pain that lie in wait,
with a black that no one knows...
The innocence of a heart,
harbors a hate that forever grows...

This hate, becomes a lust.
A lust for one to die...
Not death of love and age,
but raises questions, "Why?".

This man, he is a monster
the many hearts he's killed...
forgotten as a child,
with age, the mind is filled...

Filled with anger, rage and madness
of pain he's caused to all
The children, now all grown
will bring him to his fall...

A fall to his insanity,
A man, he'll never be...
with this evil locked away,
may all the hearts be free!!!

-Free of Hate-
------------------------------------

I REMEMBER

I remember the day...I remembered it all...all the terrible things you did to me...

I rememeber "sleeping" on the couch...Dreading the moment that damned clock chimed...

You sitting in that chair...that ugly blue chair...calling my name...beckoning me to your room...

Bubby still sound asleep..confussion ringing in my ears. But I follow. So young, so naive...what do I know???

-I remember...

You sit on your bed...call me to your lap... so wierd...so late... but I do...You're my grandpa...

-I remember...

You ask me to pull my jammies down...somethings not right...you say it's okay, everything's alright...tears stream down my face...I'm frightened..but I do...what do I know???

YOU!!! You bastard!!! Rape my innocence with your fat hand...Killing a little girl...your little girl..she's dead inside...How many times has this happened..will this happen???

-I remember...

She's so scared... She locks it all away... Afraid to tell on her grandpa...she loves him... So, she forgets...

-But 12 years later....NOW I REMEMBER!!!!

For so long, I hated myself!!! Killed my own soul!!! Tortured myself!!! I never knew why...My arm, my body...my flesh is my battlefield...

-But then, I remembered!!!

That same night, I took over 120 pills...all those antidepressants, those anti psychotics...those anti night terror pills... I needed sleep!!! Knew if I didnt get some soon...my next cut, would be my last...my end...

Those 120 pills didn't work... Still awake... in pain, frightened... SO... I go to the latrine with my sheet... and i hang myself... you cannot end me..only i can.

-I remember...

Hanging there...The world is mute, blacking out...suffocation has consumed me...you cannot kill me...

-But I remember...

What about my family??? I cannot leave them with you, you monster... I can't let you win...they need to know...I can't get out...too weak...

-I remember...

Waking in the hospital... so damn happy to be alive...so damn happy to get that chance to kill you with my mothers .38... I'll be coming for you...I cannot walk...life moves on...miserably... doctors, therapy...thought out homicide... you're lucky you bastard...the gun went missing from under my bed...

-I remember...

I get a call...You have two days left to live, you bastard... You think you can get out of this free and clear???!!! I gather my things...pictures of your demise...poems of your death...death for you.

-I remember...

I want to tell you off...show you what pain you've caused..what you've done..to innocent little girls and your own granddaughter, more of your own family...how many others???... I walk into that room, ready... then I see your face... your pathetic, sick, sunken in face...

I swollow my courage...I'm that scared little girl again...I drop my things on you, and run out that door... but you will not always win...

-You know!!!...

You have not won!!! As you burn in hell, I am healing...getting stronger every day... I'll take this pain you've caused me, and help others heal like I am trying... You are a bastard... But, you're dead and lost....

-TRIUMPH WILL BE MINE!!!

I LOVE A MIXTURE OF THINGS.. AT ONE POINT, METAL WAS MY LIFE, BUT RECENTLY I'VE BEEN ON A CLASSIC HAIR METAL KICK...