A window in my eyes, this is just my head. unfiltered. I just thought I needed to put my this out in writing. even though sometimes this doesn't come easy. I often type or say things I don't know. or don't mean. or I simply think I should feel. I think i should feel sad or happy. I want to like something so I will. Sometimes I live inside my head. I have a tendency to over think or under think things. I talk to myself in my head and think to myself "this is me, this is my life" what am I doing? When I look in the mirror sometimes I don't know who this person is. I don't feel like the person i see in my reflection. sure my hands move just like him, my face the same. but. still I feel I'm someone that I don't know. I lose myself. Even though I sound like a cliche, at times I'm my own worst enemy. I tell myself that I shouldn't do something and I do it anyways. I want to even more since I can't do it. or don't want to do it. sometimes I can't help but stare at people out of the corner of my eye and I don't know why. I tell myself not to which makes me want to do it more. It doesn't even matter who it is. My brain is trying to sabotage me. Try not to get too close Drew. Don't trust them Drew. they'll only be your fake friend and lie. I want to trust them. I want them to like me. but I don't know if I can. Even after I write this I'll probably read it over and learn about myself like I don't know already. I am a pathological flirt. I think it has something to do with my endless desire to be liked even if I don't like the person. I want to make it, but my head is holding me back. Avoid showing people who you are, they'll only reject you. I can't speak in front of crowds. I don't get nervous exactly, I just shake and choke and speak so fast no one could possibly understand me. my friends tease me like there's no tomorrow. I know they don't mean it but it still hurts. Am I too much of a pushover that they know I wont fight back? yes. yes i am. I am the ant and they are the kids with the magnifying glass. analyzing everything I do, what I wear. When I step out of their pre-existing image of me they don't know what to do. I get teased more. I make fun of myself.. so i guess getting teased is understandable..but once in a while can't they just be nice to me and playfully tease someone else? Sometimes I can't tell if I like a person because I'm so busy focusing on whether they like me or if they think I'm strange. I shouldn't care what people think. I know this. but it's just my fear of rejection and my endless struggle to be liked by everyone. I hope reading this didn't change your outlook on me. but then again at the same time I hope it did. I don't know what to think. Right now you are deciding whether to like me or to not. to accept me or ignore me. agree or disagree. I can't say I don't care, even though I really want to.. but if you got this far I salute you. If you don't like me, don't talk to me. I don't want to know of some one else who also wants to reject me. Call me what you will. label me what you will. if you wish, call me stupid, treat me like I'm nothing, tease me, hurt me, call me ugly. I want to feel something. or do I? I am a walking, living, loving, hurting, breathing contradiction. love me please.