**sighs**

Where to start…… where to start?

OK, first up, this is non-negotiable. I’m not sure how many people (if any) are going to argue with me on this point but as I’ve already said to someone special to me, I’d rather have a final date to say goodbye to people instead of carrying on talking and then I randomly disappear without saying why. So I’ve made the decision to walk my own path on March 1st. More on this later I guess….

So I guess this is me saying goodbye to everyone.

I can’t remember when I first came upon this site or even HOW I came upon this site but it was way back when it was still called cherry tap.
I was stumbling around randomly, putting a few pics up here and there, checking out various peoples profiles when I got an invite to join a lounge.

From the moment I followed that invite and walked into that lounge, I can honest to god say that my life changed. And yes, there are going to be people amongst you who are reading this who are going to think “Wow…. Over-reaction much? Its just a social internet site, calm down…” and that’s a fair opinion.

But from day one, I found someone special in that lounge. Someone who I can honestly say turned my life around.
As I’m sure everyone who reads this will agree with me, Deb is the most beautiful, amazing, wonderful, sassy and stunning person there is.

I’m 26 years old as I write this and I can say, with hand on my heart, I have never met someone like her. I’ve only ever known her through this site and, as such, its only been a text based relationship but I’ve never wanted to be with someone as much as I’ve wanted to be with her.

Deb, I fell in love with you a long time ago and I’m so glad I did. You have been the shining light in my life when things have seemed the darkest. I can’t begin to describe how I feel when I talk to you. I’m in this permanent state of happiness when you smile or laugh because that’s the best feeling ever. If you can make someone smile then that’s all that matters.
Your smile and your laughter is all that ever mattered to me sweetheart. If things were different then I would honestly say I would want to spend the rest of my life making sure you smiled every day. You are my angel - you always have been and you always will xxxxxx

I’ve made so many friends here its unbelievable.
Wolfey, you were the surrogate dad I always wanted. You let me into such a personal part of your life and I’m so honoured you did. I wish you nothing but the God given peace you so truly deserve

Bonnie, I can’t thank you enough for your offer of hospitality. You barely knew me yet you instantly offered me a place in your home in order to help me with what I was going through. Your heart is as lovely as your soul is beautiful xxx

To all the DJ’s of Charmed Visions, thank you for playing each and every one of the tunes I requested. I know I’ve been a complete git sometimes when I’ve asked for some random, obscure track but you’ve always come through and found what I asked for. I’m sure you all know this but theres always a tiny moment of happiness everyone encounters when they ask for a track and it gets played. You all rock!

To all the members of Charmed Visions, I’ve only been a member of one lounge ever since I first came to this site and its been absolutely great getting to know each and every one of you. Each person brings a different kind of personality to the room and that’s what makes it a great place to hang out in. You are all so welcoming and lovely - keep up the good work J

Now for the difficult part.

As you may or may not know, I was diagnosed with a particularly aggressive form of cancer a few months back. According to the numerous doctors I’ve seen, it started in my lungs and moved to my liver, my kidneys and my colon. The biggest kick in the balls was that it wasn’t caught in time and therefore theres not a lot they can do for me. In fact, theres nothing they can do for me. OK, with various drugs and radiation therapy, they could possibly extend my life for a year at most but I made the decision not to go through with that. I’d rather go when I’m supposed to go instead of extending my life, and ultimately the pain I’m currently in.
As it stands, I’ve been told I’ll be lucky to see my 27th birthday which will be on the 19th of March which is why I’m writing this now and planning on saying my goodbye on the 1st of March.

Again, this is non-negotiable and I’m going to do it no matter what anyone says. I really don’t want it to get to the point of me fading away and suddenly not replying to people msgs as and when the time comes. I’d rather have a final cut off point so I can say my goodbyes to everyone and get a few final requests in in the lounge J I know its selfish of me to do this but I honestly think it’s the best way to do it.

If I could ask one thing of everyone who reads this, it would be to go get a bloody physical checkup! Seriously, if I had one even a year ago then it might of made a difference. Ultimately, your health is the only real thing that you can control. Its yours and yours alone so treat it well and give it the attention it deserves lol

YOU ARE ALL STARS. SHINE ON…..



07 / 01 / 2008

OK, I’m gonna try and treat this as some kind of diary - adding bits on here and there when I can.
For today, I’m going to do some apologising.
First up, I’m gonna apologise to the many many people I’m bound to miss in these little diary moments of mine. Its completely un-intentional and I don’t mean anything if I miss a name, honest J

Second up, I apologise if someone leaves me a comment and I don’t get back to them. As anyone can tell you, I’ve never been good at returning calls, messages, texts etc. I will try but don’t think I’m ignoring you if I don’t reply to you. I’m just stupid is all.
** the same applies to rating, adding and faning - if anyone does that to me then I’ll try and do the same back but…. Well, like I said - I’m an idiot**

Third up, I’m gonna apologise if I repeat anything. I generally do. I’ve been known to tell the same joke in the lounge multiple times in one night so if you read something and you notice I’ve written it before then smile and just read on lol

I’ve been chatting with a few people here and I want to make one thing clear.

I’ve come to terms with whats happening and whats going to happen to me. I understand it and I accept it. I’d like to think of myself as a funny kinda guy and I try my damndest to make sure the people around me are happy and smiling.
If I’m talking about myself, my condition and I’ve got a lighthearted, jokey tone going on then please, please, don’t think I’m making light of the situation. I DO take it seriously (I have to, I’m living it). Don’t feel weird if I take the piss outta myself, if I joke around about whats going on etc. Its just my way of dealing with it.

I'll start putting this in the blog thing here, probably a bit easier lol