Click the above picture link to go to my Google Profile that has links to most places I can be found on the web.

In Loving Memory 1-4-1962 to 4-14-2010

My name is Ditra Flame; sometimes I think I hate so hard because I love so deep;

This is the diary of a mad woman, Christ killer, accessory to murder; the girl with the bee-stung lips, the lovely bones, the round hips. My name is Lola, it's time we met and there's always a window so never forget...

I'm a self professed (¿) ∞music∞ loving "metal head" that's a completely hyperactive, extremely monkey/SCATTER brained, silly, nearly always laughing/joking around/being silly and STRANGE goofy dork that has an attention span of a squirrel on [perpetual] "crack".

You've come upon the journal space of Ms. Lola Burns, also known as Ditra Flame or Miss B or even further as Bella or October [as my ✞dad✞ would have liked to name me]. This journal is not user friendly and is locked for various reasons, many of them important and personal. This journal is a collection of happenings and memories; disease and illness; fiends, friends, lovers and foes. There are ghosts locked away here from my past and ghosts collected as I move forward through life. I explore a lot of thoughts here influenced by my environment, people I know or come across, my disease and I'm "so obsessed with my mascara and mistakes" and also once more a self professed (¿) Beauty Fiend.

My heart is covered in wounds, stitches and wrapped in barbed wire, bleeding but always in a state of healing from users, abusers, addictions, obsessions and ex-lovers who've come walking in and out of my life. I've tried to learn from each experience and grow as a person.

Love is evil but I still love....love. I believe that even though your heart has been broken repeatedly and torn apart. It's one of the most necessary evils that people must experience and live through in life to be fulfilled. It doesn't matter what kind of love it is or what kind of relationships they are... it's something detrimental to being alive.

I have many interests, stemming from music to philosophy, makeup and hair to English, and most of my musical interests are all version of rock and metal and heavy metal, even rock and metal and heavy metal from Japan, including visual kei which is a popular genre in Japan. I enjoy more than just these genres of music, though and I can listen to many things, almost anything; there are few musical genres I don't listen to. I'm very passionate about music and movies so I talk about those a lot and that includes actors and musicians!

I'm currently 23 years old living in Dallas, TX at the moment. I take advantage of living here by attending as many concerts and live shows as I can. It's probably my favorite past time and hobby and it's always perfect situations for me to get the excess of energy I'm blessed or... in some ways, cursed with having. One of my biggest obsessions is fabulous, fierce and yet both a hot mess and a disaster.

I'm also an ex-Army brat. I used to be a complete open book and I used to wear my heart on my sleeve but I've changed a lot since things have been great with my medications and treatment and since then (being stable) my openness and brutal honesty (to the point of being a bitch) has faded away slowly as days go by. Honest honesty and not the same bitchy honesty I was known for is what I'm about now. Aside from music, I love to read and dance (belly dance for fitness) and I enjoy nature and animals, especially wolves. Wolves are my favorite animal and like the Native Americans believed, I believe that the wolf is my totem animal spirit. My favorite part about nature is being at or by the beach, close enough to hear the waves; that's the most calming, relaxing and enjoyable place for me to be. I become totally serene when I'm somewhere that I can hear the waves. Photography is another thing I really enjoy, both being in front and behind the camera. I dream of one day owning a beautiful piece of machinery, digital or film but until I fix being a poor, deeply in debt twenty-something year old I won't be able to purchase that dream piece of work.

I love all things about fashion, fashion designers and everything related. I have a super obsession with shoes. I kind of have a bit of an obsession with fashion and I'm great at dressing people and doing good makeup. I'm going to start cosmetology school on May 24, 2010 and it's a ten month program at a Redken sponsored institute. I love doing my hair in different colors, especially unnatural colors. I'm obsessed with color, green is my favorite color (almost all shades) and I can't stand having hair or makeup that isn't vibrant and as far as the makeup goes really showy around the eyes.

I believe in such things as fate and destiny and that things happen for reasons that we don't always know or realize until later times; kind of like epiphanies. I can get rather obsessive about things and I will talk about them until I turn blue in the face or until I just get it all out and ramble myself speechless. I do have long posts full of rambling and rarely use cuts because this is my place to be completely open. Sometimes I'll have sour moods and I'll rant about things and say things here that I'm thinking in that moment of being in a sour mood but don't truly mean whole heartedly. This is not just a place on the web for me, it is a place to express myself thoroughly.

I have an obsession/fixation with pain (also called masochism) and I lust for and love tattoos and piercings and getting them. I can't get so much anymore because I am quite poor and if it wasn't for living with my mum (yeah, I still live at home) I would be ... in a very unlucky spot. I believe and am totally for complete and total self expression and wearing your personality or showing off your personality in creative and fun ways and I'm very expressive with my looks so people kind of get an idea of what I'm all about.

I enjoy writing in my free time and have a writing journal linked but it contains writings that aren't for everyone so tread carefully... just like you should with this journal as well; tread carefully.

I'm always trying to find a way to better myself and be the best I can be and cure the monster in me. I'm always trying to think of ways I can further my friendships and keep those who I'm close to close to me and I've had to take out a lot of energy and time to fix those relationships that I have nearly ruined through my sickness. I used to have a strong obsession with my weight and used to obsess over wishing to be thinner and in under a year I gained all the weight I'd spent five years losing back due to a bad doctor and medications... and surprisingly I'm not as insecure as I used to be when I was thinner. I'm an insomniac and I pretty much think my dogs and my rats (RIP TATTY, my heart baby) own over having children and I treat them like they are my children.

I have one strict law when it comes to this journal and the people who become part of it and it's something I stick by pretty strongly not just on the great wide world of internet but in real life, too. I do not like drama. I do not accept drama. I hate bad confrontations and I want to avoid all of that poison with the best part of me.

I completely love animals - especially wolves and I volunteer at the Dallas SPCA AND I support the protection and conservation of wolves. I'm a world history lover. You should know I'm not an elitist and I don't really like elitists... I love to be barefoot; I love the night time; I'm a nature freak. I love photography and world cultures and art.