Girlfriend Application
Finding a girlfriend is a remarkably difficult procedure. Believe me, I speak from personal experience. Basically, I'm tired of meeting the crazies, so I have devised a way to help move along the screening procedure. Besides, who doesnt want their own personal Andy?
WANTED
Nice girl somewhere near the 25-30 age range for passionate, romantic relationship with an incredibly awesome 29-year-old guy, who for merely the sake of argument we'll call Andy.
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES
Tolerating/enjoying my company on a daily basis
Telling me that everything's okay when I fervently believe that it's not
Seeing everyday as an adventure
Appreciating me for what I am as well as what I am not
Teaching me exactly what it means to be a great guy (i have my moments)
Being there when needed
WAGES/SALARY
All of my heart
MISCELLANEOUS BENEFITS
As many massages as you require.
Someone to listen.
A shoulder to cry on.
A date for Valentine's Day or any other major holiday.
Someone to cuddle with while watching TV.
Someone who still believes that cuddling every now and then is powerfully romantic.
At least one anniversary present per year.
Opportunity for advancement.
Flexible hours.
WHAT NOT TO EXPECT FROM THIS POSITION
Someone to push you around and control your life, unless you're into that.
Leonardo DiCapprio.
A cowering whimp.
APPLYING FOR THIS POSITION
You can apply for this position by getting to know me and expressing your desire to be considered. I will also take resumes both in person and via e-mail at acr91276@aol.com Please fill out the form below.
What is your name?
How have we met?
Are you a "real" person?
Do you attend school?
Do you have a job?
Do you drive fast?
What is your hair color and shoe size?
Do you in any way, shape, or form resemble Marge Simpson?
Have you ever been convicted of a crime (answering yes may or may not have a direct influence on the consideration of your appointment to the seeked position)
What's the big deal with JELLO about?
Is sex bad?
Are you crazy?
Do you have a history or family history of mental illness?
Are you lying?
Name three things if you were stranded on a desert island you would take with you.
Is this fun yet?
Are you capable of having fun?
Have you ever had any traumatic experiences or suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress disorder?
Name three things that rhyme with boat...
AND for the final question say one thing that is unique and that will catch my attention...
