What about atlatl.bob?

I was born on planet Earth. The son of a Coast Guard commander, I spent my youth in various parts of the United States. At the age of six, I proclaimed to my mother that I desired to be an orchestra conductor. However, an incident occurred leaving the family piano a smoldering heap of ashes in the corner of the living room, causing an outright ban on musical instruments in the household. I claimed no involvement.

With music no longer a viable option, I turned to my local library as a source of succor during trying times. I slowly became obsessed with the works of Nathaniel Hawthorne and began to roam the streets of Pensacola, Florida garbed as my favorite Hawthorne character, Young Goodman Brown. After suggesting that my high school do a musical production of the classic tale of temptation in the face of piety, I was cast in the lead role. Tragically, following a tumultuous response on opening night, the school auditorium was reduced to cinders in a four-alarm fire. I claimed no involvement.

With intensive study in mathematics, I graduated high school in three years and quickly enlisted in the Marine Corps. Although puzzled by my first assignment, teaching recruits impressionist art, I worked diligently with the troops until their work with greens and blues was on par with the masters. My career was progressing brilliantly when, suddenly, an ugly incident involving the trade of rifles for party favors was uncovered by a local reporter. Unfairly, I was implicated and transferred to a different a unit.

After the Marines, with almost no job opportunities available due to a stagnant economy, I decided to enroll at Montana State University. My love of math and science brought me to the College of Engineering. On a whim, I registered for an anthropology course, and my life was changed. Here, in the humble classrooms, of a small, western university, I was introduced to the atlatl, also known as a spear thrower. After studying its structure and enigmatic components, I quickly began my research of the ancient weapon system. I went on to study at the Smithsonian Institute and the Field Museum in Chicago, Illinois. In recent years, I have completed research for The Museum of the Rockies in Bozeman, Montana and become a traveling lecturer and world authority on the atlatl.

My dynamic personality and legendary charm have made me an almost mythical figure in the world of archeology and primitive technology. Described by ladies around the world as a Casanova for the new millennium, I would say that, I’m at the top of the food chain!