Listen to the words of the Great Mall Mother, who of old was called
Bargain Basement Shopper, Flea Market Browser, and The Half-Off
Sale Spotter: "Whenever you have need of anything, or simply have
an irresistible urge to spend money, once a month, or more often if
your credit limit permits, and better it be when your charge card isn't
overextended, you shall assemble in a huge place called The Mall, to
adore the Spirit of Spending, AKA The Great Mall Mother. You shall
be free to charge as much as you want, and as a sign that you be free,
you shall have Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Sears, and
J.C.Penney cards at your fingertips. Charge pagan CD's, charge herbs,
candles, and Tarot cards, charge chocolate, charge anything that shall
bring you ecstasy of the spirit and make your life more joyous on earth.
For my law is CHARGE EVERYTHING! The charge card is the secret
that opens the doors of all the shops in the mall. The Cauldron of Credit
is the Holy Grail of unlimited spending and high finance charges. It gives
knowledge of eternal debt in exchange for the freedom to buy what you
want even when you can't afford it. It brings reunion with all your friends
and neighbors who've also come unto the mall to use their plastic. Nor do
I demand aught of sacrifice, except that you shall deposit your entire
paycheck in the bank to cover your credit card bills, for behold, I am the
bringer of all material things, and my account number, expiration date, and
credit limit are poured out to all who apply and are found to qualify.
