Listen, you listen to me right fuckin' now. I'm the kind of guy that'll make you beat someone to an inch of their life. You know, fun and dandy fop times, like when we were chitlins. I was the king of the cool kid group and you were the leader of the gay wad gang so I'll say to you, "Hey Jerk, you wanna ride with us, you gotta make your bones." You'll laugh and point at your boner. (Literally or figuratively). Ill say, "No F-Tard, I said bones." Then I'll point out this little Russian lady who was walking to shul and I'll just nod. Without a second of hesitation, you walk over to the old lady and beat her to death with your anus. Then we'll be best friends. Totes BFF. You know, I could sit here and talk about my rapier wit or how my mere presence can make the panties of nubile young twenty-somethings drop faster than bombs over Baghdad...but I'm not going to do that. Instead, I want to talk about my ability to turn a regular old household object such as an 18inch black dildo into an instrument of comedy magic, especially when I wield it with the agility of a Carradine and the raw eroticism of a...uh...Jameson. You'll thank me for teaching America's hearts to laugh with something that would otherwise just keep our mothers from feeling a little less lonely. ...and I dig the band Journey...and BBW's ;)



"You are the best. You are the worst. You are average. Your love is a part of you. You try to give it away because you cannot bear its radiance, but you cannot separate it from yourself. To understand your fellow humans, you must understand why you give them your love. You must realize that hate is but a crime-ridden subdivision of love. You must reclaim what you never lost. You must take leave of your sanity, and yet be fully responsible for your actions."