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A. I think expecting to be "fanned" is presumptious. I am asking I will fan you and you can fan me! I do it. Now if I take time to actually see who you are, and you will know. I will tell you. These are Fans, I think would make good friends. I have very little of them, here, or elsewhere. Why? People who are as sick as I am have a hard time finding people, other then family, who would genuinely make time for them. Truly if you didn't know someone who was going to die in as little as two years or less would you take the time to find out who they are? Most do not. Here I sit Lonely, Yes! my only friends beyond this screen. You dont see me , you cant feel my pain. You would never walk in my shoes and you dont know how it feels to do so! please dont try , give me any sympathy or expect me to believe you empathise with me. Very few can!I love pleasure and pain derived from. I donot enjoy the pain I suffer to live. I need people. Honest and Caring. Dont Bother me if you cant be loving in that way. For guys thats the hardest thing for you. If you would try I will remain openminded. My father can't relate so, if you do try I applaud you. If you cant read this far or cant understand by now you have permission to leave and thanks for trying. In my book you get an 11 for that even if I cant afford one! LOVE and ROCKETS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

B. Nothing here that precedes this letter is in order! It is how my mind works, slowly, you get what you want; when you need it. Thats Gods law.....Im here for support, some friends, and hopefully someone I might like to think of as special. you know the one who you tell everything to. This person, if I find them will probally be my legacy. Tall order.yes! I loved a Womam in 2003 more then any one I have met. Why? how do I know? Every waking thought comes to the conclusion; that she is not in my life, or catlin, or Ashley.The three were my life! Perfection. I met her, and I thought, if we stayed together and had kids we could name them ashley, and catlin. I told her; she laughed. she has 2 Duaghters,(whom sometimes; I still buy Dolls, or Money for!)Their names are Ashley, and Catlin. I have been sick since I lost them. 2 years ago my heart broke, because I lost them. Seriously, I am now looking at dying, not only from a Disease that will kill me in two years anyway, but from a Heart not able to any longer deal with the pain of not having them in my life. I dont know really what Love is but, one idea is that if you lost someone 4 years ago. Would you think of them every day? Would you tell on yourself? Would you cry at my age for a loss so unbearable that it might kill you? Would you wish above anything else that they were going to be with you until Death itself parted you from them. That is my Love for them.B in itslf is not about them but you. Is it possible I could find Robin? If not could someone else allow me to put that love on a shelf so I could enjoy the Love they were trying to give. B says allow someone to take away that pain heal my heart and when I do die I could be filled with a love for them in my past and for you my present and what little future of Love I may have. Do you think you can do that? tall order? YES! but, I still believe in love, for I will always be a romantic, untill I die.

C.I am going to give credit to my favorite artist who I scour the land looking for pictures of her work though most are found on Photobucket, I own 6 prints and have a book with her art work displayed I am going to put links to 2 of her sites so you to can enjoy this wonderful fantasy world. perhaps, You may want to browse or just enjoy, mayby buy, I do all three amybrownart.com and
www.amybrownart.com

D.Other fantasies

F Kink!!!!So my friend Bones he comes over sees my bedroom 1st time he's laughing I tell him to take the comfoter off, he does peels it back sees 2 eyehooks anchored in the top of the headboard 50 feet of silken rope nice stuff; notices there are 3 or 4 scarves hanging above the headboard and the bureau drawers are closed with 2 sets of handcuffs. What does he do , calls me FREAK we go hang out with like 20 people on friday night . Bones tells everybody about the bedroom hence everyone starts with hey FREAK whats sup? There you go my idea of "kink" well you get the jist of it give or take a liking to bondage and bloodletting. Pretty basic stuff .I still have girls from 20 years ago coming by to break off a piece. Its kool Im experimental never can improve your sexlife enough. Fantasy girl preferably Red head hancuffed facing the wall arms over the Shower head "you get the picture" Im definitely a leg and ass man"more then a mouthful is a waste" no offense had a few full figured women who love to get you off with there...... You know where I'm going! There is more "kink" just keep reading.....

H writing and drawing

I Beig here


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SexiLuv.com - Sexy & Romantic glitter graphics


I like to draw so, yes I will put a pic on here if im good it dosen't matter right now I do it only for me and God I have given you permission to watch. I a not as good as most ; mayby not as private. I doubt that many of you have any idea what this is all about. Again, thats OK me and God do. Im not religios though I know God lately more intimitly then I wanted. I am sharing some of it all of it is a celebration of time; thats mine. It's not alot but,it's mine. You can laugh, if it wont hurt me. you can cry, if it will heal you. you can watch and see what comes of this. you don't have to. It's all I have left let me keep it. If you are mean or uncaring go somewhere else I have alot of that in my life already. People dont understand wheen you cant talk right some days or youjust cant seem to swipe that credit card right anymore. They laugh when sometimes the only people I talk to i know really care sometimes they really are not there. They laugh when I limp or am on crutches for months . they laugh when sometimes I cant quite type that good or it takes me a long time to think of a word...like the. I came here to escape the prjudices of the world I live in. I hope the world I would like to play in will laugh with me and not at me. PLease keep this place safe if only ..just for me.
I wrote this when I ccame home the last time. I truly didnt think it was going to be for long.
And for real, it hasn't been anyway.

My God, my God, I pray every day
My lord, Jesus Christ, or what ever you say
I pray, I pray, I pray to you now
The words I cant find them, I'll find them somehow

I know that you're watching, I know that you do
We reap what we sow, I know this is true Arrogant with riches, and prideful you saw
I think of Isaiah, and how he did fall

I had Robin, and Katlyn, and Ashlyn made three
I cared for them always, you know they loved me
It was them, and God, and two thousand and three
There was a sickness, a sickness,a sickness in me

First I'd loose them, you knew It, you must! I loved them, I loved them, my children did trust! Losing the dog, the children, her lovely red hair
I ran to my house, and It was lonely in there

Years later, much later, the sickness it grows
I'm crippled, I'm sick, and God only knows
My God, my God, cure me real fast
This sickness I fight, how long will I last

God! I'm sicker, I'm sicker, sicker each day
You know that I love you, You know that I pray
God, cure me, cure me, cure me you must!
I'm now loving and caring, It's me you can trust!

God, I'm crying, I'm dying, I know that you see
This sickness you gave me, It's now killing me!
I love you!, I trust you, that's always been true The praying, the hoping, what more can I do ?

My friends, my family, I know that their there
They love me, they trust me, I know that they care!
My brother, and Cricket, some more just a few If God comes to greet me,
REMEMBER..............
I LOVE YOU !

LOVE AND ROCKETS
Mark S.


I took it off poets.com they didnt like my commas...Fuck them! It's my work I like it this way.
Thanks to Mama K E
I wasnt going to do this; amongst the tissues, I tried.
Thanks again!!It was a fearful thing
For all that dont know me I will be putting up plenty of pictures of beautiful friends, Most of which I have lived with, or woke up with. Some are even 20 years younger. If I do get married, I seem to like 30 to 35, but I know at least two forty year young women I just met on here that would surly put some of you 20 year olds to shame.
Arguments only to be decided by me, in person. Hopefully with the ability to tie them together; you know to get a close look at both of them. Right, Right!
Im wanting to add fonts and colors so far Im afraid to loose info or just cant get it right.

"I'm gettin there ...More to come"







Mark S.

Listening to Godsmack, Three Doors Down, Flyleaf, Evanesence,

I have few Idols though, my Brother would be top on the list. I have been sick for two years and he still helps me and a lot of others every day. because God is in his life, he is in mine. With out these two I would surly not be here!