About me, well lets see...

I love to have a good time, but that doesn't mean at the expense of others.

I think that the vast majority of people on the internet pretend to be a version of themselves that they would not let out in public, and there is probably a good reason for that.

I think that maturity does not mean you aren't capable of having fun, or that you are old. Only wiser than two-thirds of the population, and have discovered what real fun truly is.

I think that maturity escapes a lot of people, much like true intelligence.

I think that my delete key may very well be the most useful key on my keyboard.

I think that a comment posted on a Mumm is a window to your soul, you intelligence level, your maturity, or in many cases, your lack thereof.

I think that most of your issues are probably self-inflicted.

I think that children under the age of five can teach an adult more than we will every teach them in a life time, if we listen.

I don't think prisoners should have cable TV if most of us can't afford it, and if a prisoner can put porn up on the wall of his cell, I should be able to put a comic up on the wall of my cubicle at work.

I think that people on a power trip are insecure, and I love to fuck with their minds. To protect themselves, they should get over themselves. The rest of us already have.

I am not go going to blow sunshine up my ass, or yours. Get real.

I believe that you reap what you sow, life is what you make of it, and the response you get from others is dependent on how you presented yourself.

I think that all automated phone systems is the United States should sound like this: "for English, press 1, for any other language, hang up until you have learned to speak English".

I think that people should strive to have an IQ higher than their shoe size, but have seen little evidence that they do.

I feel that if adults choose not to wear seat belts, or helmets when on motorcycles, that it is population control, and that the gene pool won't miss them.

I don't think Windows invented multi-tasking, motherhood did.

I feel people are over-medicated, and under sexed.

I think pets are part of the family, but if you dress them up you need to seek mental help, and that you should be put on the PETA watch list.

I do not have to play well with others. That is not my job.

Respect is earned, and will only be given when you have earned it. It is harder to earn than it is to loose.

When raising a child using the phrase "are you new here?" is completely acceptable.

If you don't know what a "three-legged race to the hospital" is, you haven't met my father.

In life, common sense will get you farther than "book smarts", but if you have an ounce of intelligence you will do your best to make sure you have a fair amount of both.

The turn signals on your car are not there because they are pretty. They are there for your safety. Use them.

If you bought your last car because there was a vanity mirror on the drivers side too, I will pray for you.

I think that there is a waitress in England who still curses the day she met me. She refused to serve me, in her subtle British way. I told her "We won the Revolutionary War. Get over it!", in my bold, take no shit, American way. (Thank God, they are not all like her!)

Jack Daniels is not sippin' whiskey.

Every time my in-laws visit I get to run around the house yelling "The British are coming!"

I am pretty sure my nine year old is smarter than most politicians.

I think most parents aren't parents anymore. Only slaves to their child's lifestyle, and don't realize that they made them that way.

I don't think there is enough coffee in the world on Monday mornings.

I don't think diet should ever receive the same reverence as religion, and I don't think religion was invented by God.

I think zealots in regard to any topic are gross.

I don't think kids are allowed to be kids anymore.

Alcohol is truth serum.

Once you have children, pets that you have had for years prior to their birth, will develop opposable thumbs, and color on you walls just to get your children in trouble.

I do not have friends. I have family. Once you are in, there is no getting out.

Don't shit where you eat.

Embarrassment does not kill you, but it can induce a move to another state.

It isn't a joke until someone else laughs.

I want the instructions on my laser printer at work to tell me how I can set it to stun.