Melancholy Limbs
No one told me what it would be like, how everyday after would seem empty, and that the line between morning and night would blur becoming a cloud of obstructive twilight. No one hinted at how long the pain would stay or let alone how to live with it. I didn’t have the luxury of a counselor to deal with the day-to-day troubles and my family; well, they’re not much of a family. All I kept thinking about was how this one moment could change my life forever. It was the first time I noticed that my soul was missing a piece like a phantom limb.
Years ago I was a tall, thin-mint sophomore looking forward to my junior year of high school. Proud and spiteful, I was sure I knew everything that there was to know about life and the kinds of people who lived it. Several weeks before my debut role in the school play, I was introduced by a colleague of mine to a man who I was told could help me to understand the human psyche to better my performance on-stage. It was the first time under those bright stage lights that I’d ever seen anyone so incredulous, so inspired by their environment.
I never knew his real name, but Daniel seemed to suit him just fine. Daniel was younger than he actually looked, he appeared to be thirty, but he was only scratching the surface of twenty-six.
He’d place some of his dignity in his long blonde hair; he believed his mane helped him to portray a distinguished rock star, if that’s at all possible. I was the first to question why Daniel spent most of his free time in the library, not the one several blocks from his house, but the one located in his basement. Daniel would use his makeshift dumbwaiter to access his treasure trove of hard and paperback tomes. It was his fortress of solitude and it was his Alcatraz, but Daniel was stubborn so he used literature to escape on a daily basis. I noticed Daniel never really left the house unless he needed to. Genesis, his wife, ran most of the errands and every time she would return she had a new book for him. I never got the chance to ask Daniel what caused him to become a paraplegic, mostly because it felt uncomfortable, since the trophies from his high school track team sat on his wife’s mantle.
Genesis clothed, groomed, and exercised with her life-partner without ever complaining. She used to say, “His disability brings us closer together, and that some of the strongest love is born in the shadows of pain and fear.” Watching Daniel and genesis together made me question the relationship I had at the time, and regret some of the choices I made with my immature females soul-sucking leech.
I remember on day upon returning from the store Genesis, was mugged in front of their house. I’d never seen Daniel so driven with rage than that day. He searched the town for weeks looking for on man. It made me jealous; because I had never cared so strongly about someone like he did and I wanted to feel that.
About a month after, Daniel called me and asked if I could come over. I could tell that it was urgent, so I rushed over to his house. When I arrived, there were four other guys standing in the living room, they seemed as confused as I was. I sat down with the group waiting for Daniel to explain what was going on. It did not for me to find out that they were his family, because their photos were all over the house.
We all heard Daniel coming down the hall of his garden level shotgun home. The high pitch squeal of the time worn wheels on his chair let me known if he was in close proximity. He parked himself in front of the five of us with a saddened look pulling on his face.
“I want to read this at the ceremony,” he started. “Would you listen to a man who could depict a perfect God, coming from a mental realm that at best seems kind of odd? Not in the bad lacking any sense or any fashion, but using his words with intimacy and compassion. I knew such a man he used to walk this very earth. May was when he died. In March lied his birth. No on did he fear, no situation he could not handle, and now he rest peacefully upon her mantle.” Daniel quoted above a whisper. That was Dan’s way of announcing that their father had passed away. I had never seen anyone take death the way Daniel did. It was as if he didn’t care, but I knew better: the 12-pound fish mounted on the wall, with a photo of him and his father; the Ford Mustang sitting out in the driveway; photos of his father in almost every room; hell, they even remodeled the kitchen together. The house was practically an homage to his father and still not a single tear. What power, what strong will. I had never seen such a display of mental acceptance. It made me envious, but at least now I had a goal. It was that same day I knew I wanted to be just like him, or die trying.
Shortly after his father’s funeral Daniel recruited me and me and a few other guys to work on a huge project. He said, “This project will change the way we see life, and help others see the lives that they are changing. This will be bigger than project Mayhem and more discrete than9/11. We will rehabilitate this world, and show these people how life should be lived.”
At the time I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I didn’t know if I was now a member of a cult or something. I began to taste anxiety, and sleep was slowly becoming an irregular chore.
I began to study under Daniel. I was being taught how to interact with people, how to infiltrate their minds and think the way they do, how to think critically, and be open-minded It was as if I were being prepared for mental warfare Within six months, training was done and Daniel sent us out to our first homes. We were now; I was now, a part of Dan’s group. I was told to keep our affairs a secret and that when the time was right I could finally tell my family what happened.
My First Mission was to speak to a woman, her name was Sky, or at least that was the name given I was given. I remember thinking how easy this would be, to go and just talk to someone. I was wrong. When I arrived at the home I entered. I saw a woman sitting alone on the floor of the empty two-story foreclosed house, with an open bottle of prescription drugs in one hand and a knife in the other. Daniel sent me to find her, and when I did, I knew it was m job to bring her back to the life she once had. How did Danny know she was there, how could he have known she needed someone’s help and why did he send me to find her? It took me two hours to convince he I wasn’t there to rape her or kill her and another two just to give her a reason to leave the house. When she finally left the house I sent her to Daniel. Sky now lives in Little Rock, Arkansas, with her family.
Months passed like spring rains and summer droughts and with each person in need that I helped, I began to feel good about myself
We worked in the homes of people who knew poverty as more than just a word; it was a way of life. Daniel sent us to abodes to stop suicides in progress, he sent us to residences where people were well into their addictions with drugs, sex, pain, to free them. We were sent to mend broken homes and families, and revive some people’s willpower to continue. I became whatever people needed me to be in order to help those who couldn’t help themselves. With each occupation I became more self-aware and even stronger. I was getting free training in so many fields of life, and I was privileged with witnessing the world that was being hidden from me since birth. Before too long I was consumed with pride. I had helped so many people that I had forgotten who I was, and Daniel; he just sat by and watched me on my self-inflicted path....
to be continued....
